Sunday, January 27, 2013

Been There, Done That

I had a conversation with a friend one day concerning the favorite age of our children.  I said that I couldn't nail that down.  I couldn't choose one age that meant the most to me.  They all do.  Especially the one I'm in.  For obvious reasons.  Because I'm in the moment living it.

In the past month I've had some conversations with Gracie, too.  We have had meaningful, in depth conversations that will always be ours and ours alone.  I cherish the privacy that we afford each other.  The trust between a mom and daughter that will be special to me until the day I die.  But we have also had some talks about how things are different for her than they were for me.

I will grant her this.  Typewriters were the norm for me at age thirteen, not computers.  And cell phones?  Not even a glimmer in my eye.  I was perfectly happy to have a phone cord in the kitchen that I could stretch down the hallway and into my room.  And then I'd shut the door.  This didn't always make my dad happy.  My actions were hard on the phone cords.

But there is so much that is the same.  I felt like a grown woman on the outside, but felt like a kid on the inside.  There were tensions between friends.  Not often, but they did happen.  There were the new feelings that girls and boys have.  I felt like time dragged on because I was impatient.

So here I am, in my upper 40s.  And I would offer this advice to my girl.  There will be a  time in your life that a week will feel like a year.  But all too soon a year will feel like a week.  Enjoy the little relaxed moments.  Hug your mom and dad.  Remember where you came from.  And remember that you are loved more than anything in the world.  This is something I know because I have been there and done that.

Tuesday, January 15, 2013

Train Of Thought

I was sitting in church on Sunday.  I was listening to the sermon.  Really.  And this adorable baby girl caught my eye.  She must have been about three or four months old.  Her dad had just lifted her out of her car seat.  Maybe it was the fact that she was being held.  Or maybe that she had a new perspective on things.  Whatever it was it made her the happiest baby.  She had dark hair.  Lots of it.  And it stood straight up.  And she smiled.  The kind of smile that melts your heart.  I like to think she was smiling at me.  Who knows?

This made me think of Gracie as a baby in church.  She would coo and smile to anyone around us.  My mom would hold her.  I'm pretty sure that my mom wore bracelets every Sunday to keep Gracie entertained.  Mom and I were almost always in church with Gracie by ourselves.  Dad was there, but up front preaching.  Scott was at home.  Sleeping.  He worked nights.  And I thought of the sweet day that Gracie said the word "conoonya".  What?  I couldn't figure this one out.  I spoke Gracie fluently and this word stumped me.  Until I realized that she was saying the word communion while we were sitting in church.  She wanted to go up to communion to see her Papa.  I love that memory.

This made me remember our life then.  Scott would get home at 6:00 a.m. and play with Gracie for a little bit and head to bed.  Gracie and I would go about our day.  Scott would get up around three.  We would eat early.  As I was cleaning up the kitchen, he would give Gracie a bath and we would read to her and play games with her.  To bed she would go between 6:00 and 6:30.  We would have some time to ourselves before Scott would go to work and the cycle would repeat.

That was a lot of routine back then.  It had to be that way.  I long for those days.  We've been out of routine for a while.  We're getting back into one.  It just takes time.  And willing participants.  The three of us seem to be on board.  I'll let you know how it goes.  And then my thoughts went to a grateful place.  A place that feels very content with my family sitting in church together.    My brain must have been on overdrive during the sermon.  I visited all of these memories in the time it took to listen to a sermon.  And believe it or not, I think I got the message being preached to me, too.  Amazing.  And this train ride all started with the beautiful smile of a baby girl.

Saturday, January 5, 2013

Lightening Up

With the new year here I've decided to lighten up.  I know, I know.  This phrase could be taken in so many ways.  That's kind of where I'm going.  In many different directions.

So, I want to lighten up.  This year is going to be a good one.  I know it.  It's going to be less serious.  Full of fun.  Boring even.  This is what I am hoping for.  Yep.  The ordinary and mundane is where I strive to be.  I have had enough of being in the crisis mode.   I am done with letting stress get the best of me.  Of wearing me out and making me tired.  Ha.  Washing my hands of it.

On to another meaning of lightening up.  It's time to do the yearly purge.  I kind of lost track of this last year.  Too busy with the above mentioned stress.  But now that I'm done with that, I'm ready to clean the house out.  All of the old rules apply.  One thing in, one thing out.  Or maybe two?  If it hasn't been used in a year?  See you later.  The 24-hour rule.  I will wait a day to see if I have an urge to buy something.  I'm going to purge starting with the clothes.  And room by room this house will undergo a deep cleansing.  If you stop by you might not even notice this has been done.  But rest assured it has.  Just check out the calm look on my face.  It will be the look of satisfaction and not being ruled by my stuff.

Then there is the third type of lightening up.  My sister is getting married this summer and I need to show up ready to bridesmaid with a healthier body.  No more excuses.  Healthy food and exercise.  I'll keep telling myself that.  Over and over.  I'll keep this simple.  I will eat foods in their natural state.  I will walk extra miles with the dogs.  I will get the sleep I need.   Sounds simple.  I hope it is.

Lightening up is something I am looking forward to.  I will be and have more fun.  I will not allow consumerism to rule my life and retail therapy is over for me.  And last but not least, this is the year of transformation for my overall health and well being.  Here's to a lighter year.  Any way you choose to take it.