Sunday, September 16, 2012

Hi, My Name Is Ann...

And I'm a codependent. For those of you that don't know what that is, here goes. To be codependent is to be involved in a relationship with someone who is addicted to something. The addiction can be to drinking, drugs, gambling or even work. As the codependent you are consumed by the activities of the addicted one. You are controlled by their actions. And in turn you do everything in your power to control everything else. For example, the codependent will make every effort to have their family seen as normal on the outside. Even when it's far from that.

I would like to believe that I was too smart to fall into the trap of codependency, but I wasn't. Our family had experienced so many changes in a short amount of time. We sold a house in Appleton and bought a new one in Madison. Scott had changed jobs a few times. All for promotions, but stressful all the same. Then I started working full time. And Scott's health problems. I fell into the pattern of thinking that I should cut him some slack. There was a reason he wasn't himself. Look at all that he's been through. But my gut told me something else. No, this is not right. I exhausted myself trying to make the house and the family seem normal on the outside. When inside I was spinning out of control.

I must say that we as a family are fine. We are getting better. But some families are not able to do so. Sometimes the history is too painful to get over. There has to be a level of trust within the family. And certainly the willingness to move on and feel whole. And there is the necessity for hope. When all of these things are present life can be good once again. There can be balance and evenness to the family. We can all do our best and take care of ourselves. It's a wonderful thing to be part of a family. An active part. Not a reactive one.

So these past few weeks my posts have been pretty deep. Next week I'm thinking of tackling the less serious topic of flexibility. Think what you will and stay tuned...

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