When you are an adolescent being flexible means that you are limber. Like a gymnast. Like the splits kind of flexible. In your twenties you are flexible in a way that keeps you at work late and on weekends. You are flexible in your social life. Always ready and willing to have fun. Even on week nights.
In your thirties you are flexible in your ability to fit in yet one more school or church function. You are able to volunteer professionally. Practically full time. You are flexible when your child is sick and you need to change plans on a dime. You are flexible when your spouse works overtime.
And then your forties happen. No amount of stretching will keep you in gymnast form. You work diligently and whole heartedly. Your employer will feel your loyalty. But you will be home to have dinner with the family. You still are able to have fun if you are home and in your pajamas by 8 p.m. on weeknights and 10 p.m. on the weekends. You are flexible enough to say no.
I would change none of my decades. They have all served me well. They are the fiber of what makes me who I am. And I am still flexible. Not in the splits kind of way, but in the way that makes me recognize what is most important. I am flexible in the drop everything and enjoy this very moment kind of way. This is by far my favorite kind of flexible.
Sunday, September 23, 2012
Sunday, September 16, 2012
Hi, My Name Is Ann...
And I'm a codependent. For those of you that don't know what that is, here goes. To be codependent is to be involved in a relationship with someone who is addicted to something. The addiction can be to drinking, drugs, gambling or even work. As the codependent you are consumed by the activities of the addicted one. You are controlled by their actions. And in turn you do everything in your power to control everything else. For example, the codependent will make every effort to have their family seen as normal on the outside. Even when it's far from that.
I would like to believe that I was too smart to fall into the trap of codependency, but I wasn't. Our family had experienced so many changes in a short amount of time. We sold a house in Appleton and bought a new one in Madison. Scott had changed jobs a few times. All for promotions, but stressful all the same. Then I started working full time. And Scott's health problems. I fell into the pattern of thinking that I should cut him some slack. There was a reason he wasn't himself. Look at all that he's been through. But my gut told me something else. No, this is not right. I exhausted myself trying to make the house and the family seem normal on the outside. When inside I was spinning out of control.
I must say that we as a family are fine. We are getting better. But some families are not able to do so. Sometimes the history is too painful to get over. There has to be a level of trust within the family. And certainly the willingness to move on and feel whole. And there is the necessity for hope. When all of these things are present life can be good once again. There can be balance and evenness to the family. We can all do our best and take care of ourselves. It's a wonderful thing to be part of a family. An active part. Not a reactive one.
So these past few weeks my posts have been pretty deep. Next week I'm thinking of tackling the less serious topic of flexibility. Think what you will and stay tuned...
I would like to believe that I was too smart to fall into the trap of codependency, but I wasn't. Our family had experienced so many changes in a short amount of time. We sold a house in Appleton and bought a new one in Madison. Scott had changed jobs a few times. All for promotions, but stressful all the same. Then I started working full time. And Scott's health problems. I fell into the pattern of thinking that I should cut him some slack. There was a reason he wasn't himself. Look at all that he's been through. But my gut told me something else. No, this is not right. I exhausted myself trying to make the house and the family seem normal on the outside. When inside I was spinning out of control.
I must say that we as a family are fine. We are getting better. But some families are not able to do so. Sometimes the history is too painful to get over. There has to be a level of trust within the family. And certainly the willingness to move on and feel whole. And there is the necessity for hope. When all of these things are present life can be good once again. There can be balance and evenness to the family. We can all do our best and take care of ourselves. It's a wonderful thing to be part of a family. An active part. Not a reactive one.
So these past few weeks my posts have been pretty deep. Next week I'm thinking of tackling the less serious topic of flexibility. Think what you will and stay tuned...
Wednesday, September 12, 2012
Day 15
It's day 15 for our family. Fifteen days of us taking care of each other. Scott is a third of the way through his treatment. What an accomplishment. I am so proud of him. This is a new lease on life. For all of us in this family.
It feels like a step in the right direction. We are all being cared for. We are learning new boundaries. We are learning about ourselves and others. We have felt love in written word. We have received phone calls of support. Hugs are appreciated.
Probably most importantly what we have learned is that life is what you make it. Living is surrounding yourself with people that have similar values. Forgiving is not forgetting, but remembering differently. It is stepping outside of a situation and viewing it with a sound mind. This is not easy to do.
These are baby steps. In the right direction. We are letting go of things that we have no control over. We can only be in charge of us. Individually. And as a team. We have learned to take a day at a time. Not to plan too far ahead.
We have rediscovered things that we already knew. People we love are precious. Time together is special. Relationships should not be taken for granted. Standing up for yourself is a right. People make mistakes. How we react to those mistakes defines us. On to day 16.
It feels like a step in the right direction. We are all being cared for. We are learning new boundaries. We are learning about ourselves and others. We have felt love in written word. We have received phone calls of support. Hugs are appreciated.
Probably most importantly what we have learned is that life is what you make it. Living is surrounding yourself with people that have similar values. Forgiving is not forgetting, but remembering differently. It is stepping outside of a situation and viewing it with a sound mind. This is not easy to do.
These are baby steps. In the right direction. We are letting go of things that we have no control over. We can only be in charge of us. Individually. And as a team. We have learned to take a day at a time. Not to plan too far ahead.
We have rediscovered things that we already knew. People we love are precious. Time together is special. Relationships should not be taken for granted. Standing up for yourself is a right. People make mistakes. How we react to those mistakes defines us. On to day 16.
Saturday, September 1, 2012
There Are Angels Among Us
A week ago I told you that our family was broken. Oh what difference a week can make. Please don't misunderstand. We have work to do. Boy, oh, boy do we have work. But we are headed down the right path.
A week ago I was nervous. I was nervous because for the first time in a really long time, I wasn't feeling very optimistic. My husband was in the hospital. Going through withdrawal. The next day was my birthday. It wasn't feeling very joyous, but at least I knew he was safe. And that was a gift in and of itself. Two days later he was released.
Part of me was excited to get him home. The other part of me still feared for his life. There was more treatment that he needed. It could be four weeks was what we were told for him to get into the center. We went into survival mode and started dreaming up plans for him to have to fill the days and keep his mind and body busy.
We were scared. Four weeks can fly by if times are good. If times are stressed this can feel like an eternity.
And then a miracle happened. A friend asked a favor of another. And the next day the love of my life was on his way to treatment. I have had highs and lows this week that I never knew possible. I'm sure they pale in comparison to what Scott is physically going through. But all the same my roller coaster ride feels like it's coming to an end. I'm not ignorant to the fact that there will be trials ahead. But I can lay my head down at night and dream of relief and the future. Not fear and the inability to see past my nose.
He is with people who have quickly become extended family. People who look after him when we can't. There is peace in that. I told you it takes a village to raise someone. It doesn't matter if you are a child or new to recovery. We are so blessed to have angels among us.
A week ago I was nervous. I was nervous because for the first time in a really long time, I wasn't feeling very optimistic. My husband was in the hospital. Going through withdrawal. The next day was my birthday. It wasn't feeling very joyous, but at least I knew he was safe. And that was a gift in and of itself. Two days later he was released.
Part of me was excited to get him home. The other part of me still feared for his life. There was more treatment that he needed. It could be four weeks was what we were told for him to get into the center. We went into survival mode and started dreaming up plans for him to have to fill the days and keep his mind and body busy.
We were scared. Four weeks can fly by if times are good. If times are stressed this can feel like an eternity.
And then a miracle happened. A friend asked a favor of another. And the next day the love of my life was on his way to treatment. I have had highs and lows this week that I never knew possible. I'm sure they pale in comparison to what Scott is physically going through. But all the same my roller coaster ride feels like it's coming to an end. I'm not ignorant to the fact that there will be trials ahead. But I can lay my head down at night and dream of relief and the future. Not fear and the inability to see past my nose.
He is with people who have quickly become extended family. People who look after him when we can't. There is peace in that. I told you it takes a village to raise someone. It doesn't matter if you are a child or new to recovery. We are so blessed to have angels among us.
Saturday, August 25, 2012
This Is Difficult
I've been MIA for a couple of weeks and for this I apologize. I haven't really had much to write about. Or maybe too much to write about. Or as my students might say, I "wasn't feelin' it." There is a lot happening in my family right now. I'm not trying to tease and I promise to explain with more detail later. But for now my family needs me and I need them.
I'm trying to glue broken pieces together. I just need to find the right kind of glue. And as some wise person once said, family first. This story needs to be told. I know many of you have similar stories to tell. Suffice it to say that a year like we have had caused fissures in the strength of our family unit. We need to care for each other. Especially Scott. No, the cancer is not back. I want you to know this. But there is brokenness that needs to be attended to. And this is not only my story to tell.
I will share soon. Just as it takes a village to raise a child, I believe that it takes a village to help someone who is broken. Please pray for us as we pray for you. We appreciate all of you. I'll be in touch soon.
I'm trying to glue broken pieces together. I just need to find the right kind of glue. And as some wise person once said, family first. This story needs to be told. I know many of you have similar stories to tell. Suffice it to say that a year like we have had caused fissures in the strength of our family unit. We need to care for each other. Especially Scott. No, the cancer is not back. I want you to know this. But there is brokenness that needs to be attended to. And this is not only my story to tell.
I will share soon. Just as it takes a village to raise a child, I believe that it takes a village to help someone who is broken. Please pray for us as we pray for you. We appreciate all of you. I'll be in touch soon.
Tuesday, August 7, 2012
Bucket List
Last week I spent a day doing something I have always wanted to do. I spent the day at Packer's training camp. We left Madison as the sun rose. It felt way too early, but our excitement was starting to build. We arrived in Green Bay just as practice was starting. The weather was perfect. Upper 70s and breezy. We walked all around the field and saw all of the special teams doing drills and working plays. Amazing!
And then the time came for the Packers to head back to Lambeau to shower and go over what went well and didn't during the morning practice. The Packers filed off the field and continued the tradition of riding kid's bikes from the practice field back to Lambeau. All of the sudden the players started to file by me. I'm not kidding when I say they were less than three feet from me. I could have reached out and touched them. Why I didn't is still something I'm kicking myself over today! Seriously, Clay Matthews and Jordy Nelson. James Jones. I could have touched their beautiful arms passing me by. Idiot, Ann.
We walked to the stadium and walked up to a tent that was giving out free bike helmets to kids. We got our girls fitted for helmets. They are great and of course advertise our favorite team. But wait. The folks fitting kids wanted the moms to get helmets, too. I said, oh, that's ok. Let's save the free helmets for the kids. No, the fella said, we need our moms to ride bikes with the kids and they need to be safe, too. Score!
Off to lunch at Curly's we went. We were seated right away. And starving. Lo and behold who was walking right in front of us as we alked to our table? Mark Murphy, president and CEO of the Packers. Holy crap. He was gracious and posed to have his picture taken with the girls. My heart was beating even faster than before. Lunch was delicious. It wan't our first Curly's Pub experience. We knew it would be great.
On to the Pro Shop. And shop we did. Love that place. One year I actually did all of my Christmas shopping there. We all found things that we wanted and yes we bought a few. You could spend hours in there. I find it almost more fun watching all of the other people and how they react to all that is green and gold.
And at the end of our day we opted for the stadium tour. For all of the years that we have been season ticket holders. For all of the times I have been to Lambeau. And for all of the games I have attended, I have never taken the stadium tour. Oh, man. We sat in a luxury box. We were educated on more history than we had ever had before about our team. Funny stories were told. And at the end we walked through the tunnel and entered the stadium just as our team does on game day. I literally got the chills. What a truly glorious feeling.
I will always be a Packers fan. I will always go to games. And if I'm not at a game, I'll be watching it on t.v. I will continue to bleed green and gold. And now I will always remember that perfect day in July when I got to know my favorite team even better than before.
And then the time came for the Packers to head back to Lambeau to shower and go over what went well and didn't during the morning practice. The Packers filed off the field and continued the tradition of riding kid's bikes from the practice field back to Lambeau. All of the sudden the players started to file by me. I'm not kidding when I say they were less than three feet from me. I could have reached out and touched them. Why I didn't is still something I'm kicking myself over today! Seriously, Clay Matthews and Jordy Nelson. James Jones. I could have touched their beautiful arms passing me by. Idiot, Ann.
We walked to the stadium and walked up to a tent that was giving out free bike helmets to kids. We got our girls fitted for helmets. They are great and of course advertise our favorite team. But wait. The folks fitting kids wanted the moms to get helmets, too. I said, oh, that's ok. Let's save the free helmets for the kids. No, the fella said, we need our moms to ride bikes with the kids and they need to be safe, too. Score!
Off to lunch at Curly's we went. We were seated right away. And starving. Lo and behold who was walking right in front of us as we alked to our table? Mark Murphy, president and CEO of the Packers. Holy crap. He was gracious and posed to have his picture taken with the girls. My heart was beating even faster than before. Lunch was delicious. It wan't our first Curly's Pub experience. We knew it would be great.
On to the Pro Shop. And shop we did. Love that place. One year I actually did all of my Christmas shopping there. We all found things that we wanted and yes we bought a few. You could spend hours in there. I find it almost more fun watching all of the other people and how they react to all that is green and gold.
And at the end of our day we opted for the stadium tour. For all of the years that we have been season ticket holders. For all of the times I have been to Lambeau. And for all of the games I have attended, I have never taken the stadium tour. Oh, man. We sat in a luxury box. We were educated on more history than we had ever had before about our team. Funny stories were told. And at the end we walked through the tunnel and entered the stadium just as our team does on game day. I literally got the chills. What a truly glorious feeling.
I will always be a Packers fan. I will always go to games. And if I'm not at a game, I'll be watching it on t.v. I will continue to bleed green and gold. And now I will always remember that perfect day in July when I got to know my favorite team even better than before.
Monday, July 30, 2012
Week In Review
This is going to be short, sweet, maybe a little sassy and of course, simple.
When your favorite bra dies, it's a sad day. Yes, an actual day of mourning. And hopefully when this day arrives you are prepared with back up and bandages. When the wire snaps...that's when you need a bandage for the wounded bosom.
Isn't it crazy the things that we marvel at? Like how my girl dog can hold it in and pinch it off a hundred times in one day. Why I ask her? Don't you just want to get your business done and get back to the air conditioning? Obviously her answer was no.
I went to the library near our cottage and checked out a mystery novel. Brought it back to the cottage and began to thoroughly enjoy. Gracie looks over my shoulder and asks, what's up with the funny font in your book, mom? Funny font? I look at the cover and there's the sticker that says LARGE PRINT. No wonder I was enjoying the book so much.
Bar soap. It's what I grew up on. I kind of miss it. All of these pumps and bottles that squirt. I have them, don't get me wrong, but it's kind of nice to not have another something to add to the landfill. And the citrus mint scent. Heaven.
And one more thing. I am once again an Olympic junkie. Lovin' every minute of it. I wish I was there. Attending the Olympics is on my bucket list. In the meantime, I'll just enjoy watching them on tv. Go Team USA!
When your favorite bra dies, it's a sad day. Yes, an actual day of mourning. And hopefully when this day arrives you are prepared with back up and bandages. When the wire snaps...that's when you need a bandage for the wounded bosom.
Isn't it crazy the things that we marvel at? Like how my girl dog can hold it in and pinch it off a hundred times in one day. Why I ask her? Don't you just want to get your business done and get back to the air conditioning? Obviously her answer was no.
I went to the library near our cottage and checked out a mystery novel. Brought it back to the cottage and began to thoroughly enjoy. Gracie looks over my shoulder and asks, what's up with the funny font in your book, mom? Funny font? I look at the cover and there's the sticker that says LARGE PRINT. No wonder I was enjoying the book so much.
Bar soap. It's what I grew up on. I kind of miss it. All of these pumps and bottles that squirt. I have them, don't get me wrong, but it's kind of nice to not have another something to add to the landfill. And the citrus mint scent. Heaven.
And one more thing. I am once again an Olympic junkie. Lovin' every minute of it. I wish I was there. Attending the Olympics is on my bucket list. In the meantime, I'll just enjoy watching them on tv. Go Team USA!
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