Yesterday, as I drove away from a visit with Scott, I had the most peaceful feeling. This was our last visit away. The next time I see him he will be back in Madison. I thought I might have feelings of sadness. Because we had been through so much in the last forty some days. I thought I might feel anxious and nervous. Or maybe like I couldn't wait. In a good way. Instead I felt a calm. A real feeling that this is the way it should be.
We had a rough start to this process of getting well. For Scott it was rough medically, physically and emotionally. For me it was mostly an emotional struggle. With the expert and human guidance of professionals we were able to cut away the fat, so to speak, and get to the meat of the issues causing our family to be out of balance. The most important piece was that we needed to work separately to come back together. Stronger than before.
And it worked. Not for everyone going through this process. But for us it did. And there was a lot of work involved in this process. There still will be. This is a lifetime journey. We will need to maintain. We will need to take care of ourselves before we can work as a team. Always. Forever.
So yesterday, I lived in the day. The moment that I thought I might be crying, instead I was smiling. The drive away through the grove of trees was exhilarating. I know that I can't live in yesterday. I don't have to be filled with a need to always make things right. I also know the danger in living too far out in the future. This is when we get overconfident and forget about the here and now.
I will fully live today. I know that by doing this I won't miss the beautiful, sad, funny, miracle moments that are supposed to be part of who I am. I will enjoy today because it is where I am at the moment. Just as Scott is living one day at a time, so am I. And together we will continue loving each other. Today. Right here.
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